Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Fear of Being Loved

I first heard this beautiful work of spiritual poetry when I started dating my (now) husband.

At the time, I had never before been in a reciprocal relationship—one where I felt as loved as I loved. This was the kind of relationship I had longed for my entire adult life. Here it was... and I was absolutely terrified.

In my pursuit of something to calm down my neurosis, open my heart, and allow me to accept the gift I deeply craved, but felt I didn't deserve, I happened upon "Mera Man Lochai."

I have always felt a strong connection to music. It seems to enter my life in perfect harmony with what I need to hear or sing. Sometimes it will enter through me—as a song I write. Sometimes it will enter outside of me—as something so friendly and familiar it seems I could have written it.

"Mera Man Lochai" is composed of four beautiful verses that I did not write. And yet when I heard Guru Arjan Dev's poetry, written in a language quite foreign to me, I felt as if it were the voice of my own soul.

The version that I grew to love and meditate to was Guru Raj Kaur and Nirinjan Kaur's version—released in perfect time with my fledgling relationship.

What this music did for me, my heart, and my sense of worth around love, cannot be described in words. To put it mildly: it transformed me.

If I had not had this tool, I am not sure I would have had the courage to pursue a loving relationship—let alone a loving marriage.

Words have such great power.

In my experience, when we trust them, and use them appropriately, they can lift us up above any challenge—even the most difficult ones, we know are "only in our head."

Recently, a friend of mine and I wrote a version of this hymn into music. I will share it here, and thank Livtar for helping to write this song.


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