Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Welcome: Well, Come!

Since May, my husband and I have known that a baby would be coming just about this time of year. As the weeks go by and the (mystery) birth day approaches, I think about the incredible ride I've been on for the past 9 months.

Pregnancy for me has meant nausea, uncontrollable fits of laughter, joy, music, insecurity, sadness, acid reflux, anticipation, anxiety, and so many other not as easily expressible phenomena.

Beyond the "symptoms" of housing life in my womb, pregnancy has also brought me tremendous growth, a sense of peace with who I am, and a unique connection to the Great Spirit that brought me safely into this world.

While certainly not an easy task, I feel truly blessed to be a vehicle for new life.


Beyond the 9+ months of growing another being inside my womb, pregnancy feels like my lesson in what it truly means to surrender to the potent unfolding of creation. 

In Sikhism, we have the phrase Karta Purkh. 

Karta Purkh is God as the doer of all things. It's an energetic awareness of the intelligence behind the things we think we are causing to happen. In other words, while we can throw a ball really far, there are natural laws that make our actions fruitful, i.e. gravity.

KAR refers to creating, TA is the sound of life giving birth, and PURKH is the primal being-ness of the Universe. 

It's all fine and good to think you understand what it means to accept that things are being done through you. And perhaps you have had an experience that made this concept hit home. For me, I never got it until I became pregnant. 


The first few weeks of my pregnancy were pretty textbook. I fell into a comatose state of extended evening slumbers, plus a few naps.

At first, I mistook this to be post-festival-work fatigue. I had just pulled several all-nighters at the festival I work for, and I usually had catching up to do when I returned home.   

When the fatigue didn't go away after a couple of weeks though, I became worried I had some sort of virus. It was such a relief to find out that I was pregnant, and not seriously ill. 

Despite the fact that I have a very holistic relationship with my body (through yoga, meditation, careful nutrition, etc.), saying that I had little sense of its ability in the baby-making department would be an understatement. 

I kept feeling like the successful growth of this child had to depend on me doing something. Every other capacity that I had cultivated had, after all, been the direct result of physical or mental action (or so I reasoned). It hadn't been my experience thus far that I could just sit back and watch as my body prepared to run a marathon, for example.

Was I really capable of growing a child? 
Did my body really know something I didn't? 
How is that possible?

I was unable to tap into a secure sense of "knowing" that I could do this.

I was willing to play along though.

I sat back and enjoyed the ride. It quickly became easy to see that something was happening beyond me.


The miracle is that my body did know what to do.

I watched in awe as things slowly started to grow. When I felt the first miniature kicks, I couldn't believe it. There was really something growing in there! And I did nothing to make that happen.

Sure, you might say, I did do some things to improve my chances of conceiving and growing a child. I did have sex. I did eat. I did breathe. I did keep positive thoughts and sing to my womb.

But when I say "I did nothing", I mean I didn't instruct my uterus, or mentally form the umbilical cord, or go through a long process of filling the bag of waters with fluid. No, all that was completely beyond my control. Pre-programmed by a perfect sense of Divine Order that didn't need my help, only my participation...

Karta Purkh.

:: HERE WE GO ::

So, as we approach our son's upcoming birth day, I have faith that this same Karta Purkh will take the reigns. Just like all the things my body intuitively knew to do to foster this life inside me, I have no doubt that it will continue to amaze me with its mysterious intelligence.

I will try to allow the process to just unfold... not just the birth, but the parenting part too.

In fact, I've mostly been thinking about the actual parenting these past few weeks. It's no small thing to take responsibility for a human soul.

I do take some comfort in knowing that this soul chose his incarnation for the lessons he needed to learn in this lifetime. While I will strive to do my best, we will all inevitably be learning and growing... and that's OK.

I also know that this child isn't really "mine", or my husband's. He belongs to the same fabric of existence that all of us belong to. Our success as parents, I think, will be in how successfully we are able to support his relationship with his own soul and help him complete his mission on this planet.

Ah, here we go...



  1. Helle Sirgun

    what a beautifull blog you've written!!
    I am so thankfull!
    REcently we started our 'body-mind-soul' course for pregnant women and I'll bring your wise words to those lucky women.
    Thankyou and I wish you loving, warm last days of your pregnancy and an amazing experience giving birth!

    Love, Karin, Utrecht, the Netherlands

  2. Thank you Karin. I'm so glad it spoke to you. =)


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